


The Release

by doodleishere



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Slice of Life, a little agatha story, agatha just doing her thing, it was either this or another super angsty snowbaz fic, living her life, my baby girl, why does no one like agatha fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24520036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodleishere/pseuds/doodleishere
Summary: Agatha slowly learns how to let go after Watford.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15
Collections: Agatha Wellbelove fics





	The Release

**Author's Note:**

> i've been on a kick of reading agatha fics and i thought i would give her some attention because i do not write her enough

Agatha Wellbelove takes in the first breath she’s taken in a long time while on a rooftop somewhere on the west coast.

She is by herself when she does it. No magical friends hanging around her like apples off a tree; no Normal ones, either. She walks up to the roof and sits down on the edge and releases a breath that she feels like she’s been holding since leaving England. And then she inhales her new life.

She exhales a lifetime of failed expectations and ruined chances, and she lets the chokehold of destiny at her throat lessen. She takes in the car horns and the smoke, the loud laughter and the silent goodbyes, the smell of the water and the coolness of the breeze. She closes her eyes, and she imagines a hand letting go of something without making an attempt to grab it back up.

Agatha breathes in her new life, and then she does it again and again and again until her lungs are full of it.

▼

The next time Agatha is able to breathe, she’s got Simon in her vision and Penny right next to him.

Baz is there too, but he’s hanging off of Simon like he’s an attachment. Like it’s him and Simon versus everyone else and like he wouldn’t have it any other way. Agatha sees in him everything that she never could be, and she inhales someone else’s golden destiny happily, relieved to see how comfortably Baz fits into it. Baz was meant to be someone’s destiny. He’s built for it, the perfect image of a waiting prince with his widow’s peak hair and his smooth skin and the way he says people’s names like they’re important. He’s built for doing what’s got to be done and sticking around when things get scary and hard, built for lighting a fire and being the one to stamp it out all at the same time (even if he is a bit flammable.) He’s built for a life with Simon Snow whether Simon’s the Chosen One or not.

Simon is all roaring rapids and deep hunger pangs. Baz is still streams and a belly full of itself. Baz fills up where Simon runs empty, and Simon provides a current where Baz has none. They fit together perfectly.

Agatha and Simon—they never looked as made for each other. Where Simon is growls and burning heat, Agatha is high-pitched shrieks and searing cold. Their relationship was a fight that neither of them wanted to win.

Penny finds her way in front of Agatha, and Agatha pulls her close without a word. She sticks her face into her shoulder and inhales, trying to stuff as much Penny as she can inside of her lungs. She smells like magic and missed time, and Agatha can’t get enough.

“I missed you,” she whispers into Penny’s shirt.

“I missed you too, Ag,” comes the reply, and Agatha feels a weight leave her chest.

▼

Agatha’s next breath comes later at a bar with Normal friends.

One of them is yelling and laughing loud enough that Agatha swears it’s echoing, and another is pulling on Agatha’s wrist so they can go order drinks. The others are all smiling brightly or throwing their heads back in happiness, and Agatha has never felt anything so _easy_. Losing herself here with them, leaving her broken promises behind—it’s the simplest thing Agatha’s ever done. She breathes, and that’s easier now, too.

▼

Breathing gets easier and easier as the days go on. The more time she’s able to put between herself and Watford, the better. When Agatha looks at her phone and sees that it has been a year and a day since Ebb told her to run, she lets out a slow breath and then sucks another slow one back in.

She closes her eyes and flashes back to that day, to the Mage grabbing her, to Ebb saving her, to Ebb magicking her out of there before she got to make her own choice on the matter. _Exhale the memories, inhale the present._ She sees Baz and Penny and knows she can’t stop. She spots Lucy (the dog, not the person) and scoops her up into her arms and carries her away from the horror that’s happening around them.

Exhale the memories, inhale the present.

It’s easier.

▼

Agatha can completely breathe again when her mom visits her for the third time. She hadn’t expected it. The breathing to return. She felt like she was holding her breath before her mother arrived, like she was bracing herself for a storm. The other two times her mom had visited since her move, Agatha had to walk around her own apartment on a single breath. She couldn’t breathe too much of her mother in; if she did, she was afraid she’d be convinced to go back. Afraid that her magical destiny was on the clothes her mom wore and that she’d suck it back in.

When she sees her mom’s face this time, a breath leaves her. A deep, tainted breath, full of all the things she’s afraid of and all the things she regrets and all the uncertainty still hiding in her.

“I’m happy that you’re happy,” her mom says later on, reaching out a hand to rest it on top of Agatha’s. “If this is where you want to be…I’ll stop fighting it, Aggie.”

And there it is.

The release. A knot pulled free. A dam broken down. A hand finally, _actually_ letting go. And when Agatha takes in a deep breath, she realizes that her destiny isn’t sprinkled on her mother’s jacket; it’s here, in a west coast dining room, hanging in the air around her, and she breathes it in like she’s gasping for it.


End file.
